It has been three weeks, two days, and approximately 13 hours since we lost Martha Anne. I miss her so much I often think I will not be able to bear life without her. But, I know I must. And, somewhere deep down I know I will. There are people who are counting on me. And it would be an insult to her memory to let them down.
Today was particularly hard. It seems like each Monday has been progressively more difficult. I guess maybe it is the reality of starting another week without her. On the way home from work I let the windows down and screamed at the top of my lungs. I don't know why I chose to do this. I don't know who I was screaming at. I thought it might make me feel better. But now I just have a sore throat.
I wonder if this heavy yet empty feeling in my chest will ever go away. Part of me hopes it will and part of me is scared to death that it will. I don't know if that will be a sign of healing or just another loss to deal with...the loss of this feeling. I don't even know if that makes sense.
I just miss her. Every second of every minute of every day. I miss her smile, her laugh, the freckles on her nose, the same beautiful blue eyes her mother has. I miss her voice saying "I love you Daddy". I miss her... with every breath I take.
I don't want to do this anymore!
Today was particularly hard. It seems like each Monday has been progressively more difficult. I guess maybe it is the reality of starting another week without her. On the way home from work I let the windows down and screamed at the top of my lungs. I don't know why I chose to do this. I don't know who I was screaming at. I thought it might make me feel better. But now I just have a sore throat.
I wonder if this heavy yet empty feeling in my chest will ever go away. Part of me hopes it will and part of me is scared to death that it will. I don't know if that will be a sign of healing or just another loss to deal with...the loss of this feeling. I don't even know if that makes sense.
I just miss her. Every second of every minute of every day. I miss her smile, her laugh, the freckles on her nose, the same beautiful blue eyes her mother has. I miss her voice saying "I love you Daddy". I miss her... with every breath I take.
I don't want to do this anymore!
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