Disappointments and Highlights

I am writing this post and then I am going to get in the bed and try to numb my mind with television until I fall asleep.

Today has turned out to be a disappointing day. I have been looking forward to today for weeks. First of all it is Lydia's Birthday today. She turned the big 8 today. Before she went to bed last night, she told me that when I left for work today I would have to give her two kisses instead of one like I usually do. She quickly elaborated. One would be my normal good-bye kiss that I give her every morning while she is sleeping and I am leaving while it is still dark. And the other would obviously be for her Birthday. Much to my surprise, she was awake this morning when I left for work, so she was able to verify and count two kisses for herself. So, in that regard my day started of wonderfully.

Another reason I was looking forward to this day is that it was to be our first time attending a local support group for parents who have suffered the death of a child. I was telling folks just today that my expectations were pretty low. For now, I was just hoping to be able to look into the faces of people who are a year or two into their grieving, so I could get some assurance that they are okay. I was hoping to see and possibly hear about improvements.

So, where do the disappointments come in? Well first of all, nothing went well at work today. Everything seemed to be more challenging than it should be. Which led to me leaving late from work. Which meant missing my workout with Zan and rushing to get ready for the meeting. But at least we were getting to go to the meeting! The day could still be salvaged.

And although my expectations of the group were pretty low, I did expect them to actually meet. You know to actually be at the place they advertised they would be, at the time they said they were going to be there. No such luck. Zan and I managed to arrive early, to a pretty desolate church parking lot I might add. We found the correct building and even found the room where the meeting was to be held. And we waited, and waited, and waited. We finally gave up and went to eat at our favorite Mexican restaurant.

During a painful discussion over dinner and during our subsequent trip to Wal-Mart, I was reminded that I need to be careful about wallowing in despair. So in light of that here are my highlights for today:

• Lydia...for being awake when I left for work.
• Safe travel to and from work.
• Ralph...for lending me his ear.
• Dad...for the same reason as Ralph.
• Corrine...for leaning out of Zan's arms and wanting me to hold her when I did get home.
• Emma...for asking me if I was okay, and then giving me a hug when she realized I wasn't.
• Martha...for taking care of the girls so Zan and I could attend the meeting that didn't take place.
• Gary and John...for giving me the confidence to leave things in their capable hands.
• Zan for packing my gym bag, even though I didn't make it in time for our work out.
• Zan for loving me through my "funks".
• Zan for being brave enough to have the "tough" discussions with me.
• Did I mention Zan.
• And most of all...my Father God, who loves me and catches every tear I cry in the palm of His hand. I honestly don't know how people navigate life without Him.